A Second Opinion…

After we lost our baby in February, we decided to get a second opinion.

I couldn’t believe that I was going to start all over with this process, especially in another state. But I felt that if I didn’t do this, I would have regretted it years later.

To date, we still have one “no result” embryo in Omaha that we can use but we wanted more options as our track record leading up to now has not been great.

In May, we went to the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM). They are known for being one of the best in the country when it comes to infertility. Jamie and I both went through testing again and the verdict was the same: unexplained infertility.

Just saying that out loud makes me so angry! How can that even be a thing?! I have two sons naturally, so how can this be so hard?!

Due to summer plans, we decided we wouldn’t move forward with our 4th retrieval until Fall. I was determined to get pregnant naturally during that time and prayed every night for a miracle.

When you're going through infertility, it’s always with you, like an elephant on your chest. It consumes my life.

On any day you could ask me how I’m doing and I will always smile and say “good!” That’s all I really know how to do…but most days, I’m not okay. I’m just trying to survive and push through this next retrieval.

On October 3rd, I will leave my husband and boys for a minimum of seven days. Just the thought of this gives me so much anxiety and sadness. I’ve never been away from any of them for this long, let alone by myself…

But like I said, if I don’t do this, I will regret it.

Thank you for staying with me.