Big News…

Eight at-home pregnancy tests and blood work to confirm:

I’M PREGNANT!

I’ve seen so many pregnancy tests that were negative, so seeing two lines and the words pregnant is almost overwhelming and unbelievable. It should be exciting, right?

It was…for about 5 minutes.

Then it turned into extreme anxiety. Through everything we’ve been through, I’ve never felt this way before. I can’t even say the words out loud…I’m pregnant. I never imagined that I would feel this way, I don’t want to talk to or see anyone, I don’t even want to leave the house.

I’m isolating myself in an attempt to protect myself. To protect myself from hurt and disappointment. I’m scared to death that something will go wrong, and each day we get closer to our ultrasound, the anxiety gets worse.

Thankfully Jamie was able to come with me to the ultrasound. Due to Covid he wasn’t able to come to any appointments last year. I was by myself when I found out we lost the last pregnancy, but honestly you always kinda feel like you’re by yourself. The greatest spouse/friend in the world doesn’t understand what you’re going though unless they have been through it.

After what felt like hours of waiting, we were finally in the ultrasound room and heard our baby girl’s heartbeat.

Everything looked good, and for a moment I can breath. Now I just need to get through another week…week by week…that’s how my mind is processing this pregnancy. I think about when I’ll feel joy, or “relief” and at this moment it seems like it’s unreachable. I can’t even visualize me holding my baby or there being a baby.

I am 6.5 weeks pregnant and am scared to death…..

So I’m taking a break from telling my story. It’s weighing heavily on me, and I need to focus on my family.

To everyone reading, I’m so grateful for you following along and encouraging me. I’ll have more to say soon, but for now I need to step out of the spotlight.

Thank you for staying with me.