Birthdays Aren’t Always Happy (Part 2)

In my last post, I mentioned that I normally love my birthday (for a whole month!) but this year has been different. I wasn’t exactly ready for a normal, happy birthday.

They’re just not the same when you’re going through infertility. The thought of celebrating a birth just isn’t quite the same, so I was dreading a day that I normally love.

But we’re almost through my birthday month and I’m so overwhelmed with the amount of support we have received for Delivering Hope. We even reached our goal for my birthday fundraiser!

I’ve had moments where I didn’t know if I had the strength to even do this nonprofit. How can I help others when I’m still in the race myself? To be honest, it’s the same feeling I have every time I gear up for another round of IVF. I wonder to myself, “am I strong enough to do this? What if it doesn’t work?”

I also always calculate how many years apart in age my kids will be if it does actually work—and then I think about how old I will be, too. These are the realities we face in our situation. We think about parenthood, birthdays, and holidays differently.

There’s Mother’s Day, my birthday, then Father’s Day. It feels like one reminder after another of time passing. That’s how I look at it too—another year of IVF treatments and no baby. The people around me try to be supportive, but it’s hard for them to understand how to help. I’ve heard it all; people always say “be positive” or “stop stressing” and “maybe you will get pregnant naturally, God will only give you what you can handle.”

God must really think I’m a badass.

All those things may be true but sometimes it feels impossible to keep pressing on with positive thoughts. I love sports, and I’ve realized that infertility is a bit like playing sports. If you want to be successful, you have to work hard, put your head down, and not give up. But also like in sports, there are challenges along the way and, unfortunately, there isn’t always a clear path to cross the finish line.

If you're going through infertility struggles, just know that you have a whole community of teammates out there. You're not alone and this journey does NOT define you. We know there will be losses, but don’t forget to celebrate wins no matter how small.

Over my birthday weekend, we raised $5,000 for Delivering Hope. That’s the win that I’m going to celebrate this week. And no matter the next birthday, holiday, or celebration that challenges my positivity, I’m going to find a way to celebrate the little wins.